This evening was crazy

I got home from hanging out with Joe around 5:15 today. I looked in the mirror and realized that cigarettes have got my skin looking like shit. So I went to the fridge and washed my face with apple cider vinegar just like mom told me to. It immediately made my acne calm down and my face looked a lot less agitated. I thought for a moment and got my proactiv account info. I canceled my account realizing that I can't afford thirty bucks a month being charged to my account. It worries me to have too many self deducting payments on my checking account and I already have the 160 a month drum payments to cover. When I canceled my account, proactiv said that I had to pay the two next months because I ordered the big-ass bottles. I looked at the dates for the bill and saw that TODAY was the day that I was being charged. My measly thirty dollar check had just went through today and after it had I took $20 out from the ATM. I had also charged my cigarettes on my card after work today. So I checked my balance and I had 6.60 in my checking. The proactiv charge had not yet been made and I don't know about the cigs. I began scrambling around looking for change..I needed to put at least 30 dollars in my account by tomorrow morning or I would overdraft and owe twenty bucks. I ended up having 13 dollars left from my ATM withdrawl and found 18 dollars in change. I am one lucky ass mother today. Tomorrow morning as soon as the bank opens, I am depositing 31 dollars and i'll be set. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THESE SUMMER PAYCHECKS TO START COMING! Now that i'm full time, my paycheck on Thursday is gonna blow my part-timer mind haha. I can pay Neen back finally and start paying mom back. Well after I set aside my 31 bucks I decided to buy a coffee since I was already at Hannaford getting cash from my coins. I put all my change into the self scan and it wouldn't take my dime..even at that I'd owe like 6 cents. I am dead broke. Some awesome guy gave me the difference. I can't believe I've literally been counting pennies everyday for the past week. And I'm such an asshole for buying another pack of cigs. So, since the cigarettes were a huge part of this big ordeal in a lot of ways, I am performing a sledgehammer smashing/burning of my pack. It's symbolic. You see it would make sense to sell an almost new pack but that would give me a positive connection with cigarettes so I need to lose this 7 bucks worth of cigarettes for my own good. That's my story. What happened before that is a whole other story that I won't get into. I'm glad me and Joe are on good terms now. It's time to smoke my last cigarette before the ritual sacrifice. I'm so ready to play piano tonight too, all this work and no piano makes me a little crazy. I need to relax.