Change is a coming

Tomorrow I start my new job as a server at the banquet hall. I was so nervous all week, but then I stopped into RadioShack tonight and as I heard Maroon Five's "Moves Like Jagger" play, I realized that this job is going to be pretty fun. For one thing, the music is going to be constantly changing. This is a wedding hall, there is going to be celebration music and Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" DUH it's a wedding! Another positive thing is that the people I will be serving will most likely be in a good mood which I have not dealt with before. But I think what was really nerve-racking to me is just all this change happening at once. Getting this job cements the emigration process. I will have officially left Carmel once I am settled at this job. Not only do I have to be at the job on the weekends, but in two weeks I will have to be at school Monday through Thursday. I have an interview with Buffalo Wild Wings to schedule too. One job is scary enough. I don't know what I'll do about BWW, I might just have to wait and see how tomorrow goes.

I've been away from school for one semester too. I'm excited and nervous, but I know I'll have no problems with school.

I put in my two weeks notice for the next semester off today at 'Fords.

I am excited that I will be meeting new people and having so many new experiences. I can't wait to meet the waitresses that will be training me tomorrow. I can't wait to get back into Prof. Siegel's psychology classroom. I can't wait to start taking drum lessons again. I am really on a good track right now with my sights on some really rewarding outcomes.

Today after work at the Plaza, I got an email from Eric. This email was of a Rutger's newspaper article in which I was credited for my photography. 10 minutes later I was called by Rebecca and offered a catering job which I will have to refuse since I have plans at Aine's that day. About 5 minutes later I was offered an small part in a student film and asked to help assist in production. I wish everyday would offer me so much.

This evening was crazy

I got home from hanging out with Joe around 5:15 today. I looked in the mirror and realized that cigarettes have got my skin looking like shit. So I went to the fridge and washed my face with apple cider vinegar just like mom told me to. It immediately made my acne calm down and my face looked a lot less agitated. I thought for a moment and got my proactiv account info. I canceled my account realizing that I can't afford thirty bucks a month being charged to my account. It worries me to have too many self deducting payments on my checking account and I already have the 160 a month drum payments to cover. When I canceled my account, proactiv said that I had to pay the two next months because I ordered the big-ass bottles. I looked at the dates for the bill and saw that TODAY was the day that I was being charged. My measly thirty dollar check had just went through today and after it had I took $20 out from the ATM. I had also charged my cigarettes on my card after work today. So I checked my balance and I had 6.60 in my checking. The proactiv charge had not yet been made and I don't know about the cigs. I began scrambling around looking for change..I needed to put at least 30 dollars in my account by tomorrow morning or I would overdraft and owe twenty bucks. I ended up having 13 dollars left from my ATM withdrawl and found 18 dollars in change. I am one lucky ass mother today. Tomorrow morning as soon as the bank opens, I am depositing 31 dollars and i'll be set. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THESE SUMMER PAYCHECKS TO START COMING! Now that i'm full time, my paycheck on Thursday is gonna blow my part-timer mind haha. I can pay Neen back finally and start paying mom back. Well after I set aside my 31 bucks I decided to buy a coffee since I was already at Hannaford getting cash from my coins. I put all my change into the self scan and it wouldn't take my dime..even at that I'd owe like 6 cents. I am dead broke. Some awesome guy gave me the difference. I can't believe I've literally been counting pennies everyday for the past week. And I'm such an asshole for buying another pack of cigs. So, since the cigarettes were a huge part of this big ordeal in a lot of ways, I am performing a sledgehammer smashing/burning of my pack. It's symbolic. You see it would make sense to sell an almost new pack but that would give me a positive connection with cigarettes so I need to lose this 7 bucks worth of cigarettes for my own good. That's my story. What happened before that is a whole other story that I won't get into. I'm glad me and Joe are on good terms now. It's time to smoke my last cigarette before the ritual sacrifice. I'm so ready to play piano tonight too, all this work and no piano makes me a little crazy. I need to relax.

I'm sorry that i've been obsessed, but there is so much to learn from a Split Enz song...take your pick. Being a bit tipsy and listening to it again opens one's eyes to all the amazing things the band has to offer. So much to learn. They are still amazing to me.

Today 3/9/10

I went to school early to make up missed drum lessons, I got all the practice questions in Calc for the Calc test on Thursday (I'm a little bit worried about it, but not too bad. I just need to sit down and read the book.) and I finally withdrew from the voice lessons. Now i'm gonna have drum lessons on alternating Thursday mornings.

I got out of school early, and I didn't want to study math yet because I had just studied it in class. I stopped into the cemetery to visit the geese. Then, I decided to go to Rye and just see how to get to this Marshland Conservancy that I plan on visiting next week. When I got there, I just needed to get out into the sun so I ran around and up a hill/field thing. I went through some woods and saw the ocean. I ran towards the ocean and saw all the muddy marsh. It looked so strange, like Mars or something. Very cool. When I got out of the woods I continued up the field path and found some trails. There was this one trail that went way down towards the water, of course that was the one I took. A squirrel stared at me from a tree as I walked by and screamed at me. It continued screaming until I was about a quarter mile away. It was about 1:30pm. The smell was very oceany, but in a really good way (not like rotting fish). It was really pretty down by the water, there were gulls and swans. There were deer hoof marks on the beach. I have never seen deer marks on a beach. The woods were like right next to the ocean though. There were minnows in a little stream nearby the water, the whole thing was a surprise. I didn't expect to see and smell the ocean like that. I was very happy. I was getting tired, and I knew i'd be back next week, so I went back to the car.

A lesson

Last semester, on the last day of class, I stopped into my music theory II professor's office. Professor Delgado, my classmate Luke and I had a discussion about future classes and degrees. They asked me what I was going to be taking the following semester. When I told them, they were a little shocked, but then Luke said "Well if she can do it I guess I can too." I was a little worried by their comments. I couldn't stop thinking about dropping classes. I imagined myself failing and reliving high school stress..

Later in the day, I was studying math in the library when I saw Luke writing music on one of the computers. I ran over to him and said "I thought about what you guys said and I am going to cut down my schedule. Don't overdo your schedule because you think I can. I'm not so sure I can anyway." Luke said "Oh, no, I'm not going to." He said something about how he needed to write an essay but he'd been putting it off or something and then he said "I mean, I wish I could do calculus all day." I walked away thinking that if he could enjoy doing calculus all day, I should really just go and do my precalculus homework and study for my test. It can't be harder than what he thinks is fun, so it can't be that bad.

My test was an hour or so away. I walked downstairs in the library heading for the math lab. As I walked downstairs I saw a girl from my math class asking a boy (probably a boyfriend) about math problems. She didn't really know much about any of the recent material. He was bothered and telling her to go study. She was asking him "Should I even go to my test, it doesn't even really matter, i'm probably gonna fail anyway." She saw me as I walked by and said "She's in my class!" I got outside and stopped to think. I walked back in, went straight over to her and I said "Do you need help with math? Why don't we go to the math lab?" She was very excited, telling me "Wow, nobody wants to study math. This is a sign. You care that I pass?" I guess she was surprised that I averaged her scores on the way to the lab and told her what she needed on this test and the final. I told her it was completely possible to pass. She looked at me like she had never had any encouragement, and she gave me a luna bar. I had told her that I walked out of a math test due to hunger that semester, so that was how she paid me for my concern. So we studied, she learned some stuff, and even with her terribly low grades that she told me about, she passed the test and the class. I aced the test. I also got an A in the class, the girl is now in calculus and so am I.

This semester I am in Ear Training 2. Luke sits next to me. I made math/music jokes and I assumed Luke would get them, right? No. Nobody gets my math jokes or musical logarithmic graphs of dotted notes. They think they're funny, which I could understand. They do all make sense though, and I get very excited over them. Whatever. Luke said to me last Thursday, "You're really good at math?" I said "I thought you were!" He had no idea what I was talking about. Luke said to me, "What would give you that idea?! Me?! Math?" It turns out last semester he actually said he could "compose" all day. He speaks very low, so I could see where I could get that wrong. He hasn't taken any math classes at wcc. He says he hopes he will understand math as well as I do. He thinks i'm great at math. I don't know where people get their ideas. Anyway, we are both planning on doing a tutoring work study thing next semester so we can lose the lame grocery store jobs. We're both into tutoring music, but he says I should tutor math because he'll need a tutor and he says i'm a great at explaining things. He's afraid that he isn't a good tutor because he has issues putting the subject of music into simple terms.

When one thinks someone else is capable of doing something/has done something, they get the gaul to do it themselves. We need to realize that nobody else had to do it for us to do it ourselves. Don't think that you need to wait to see how other people handle things, just allow yourself to succeed. In other words, shut up and go be successful and worry-free.

My day has been pretty long. I need to have some fun, not that I am miserable at work...I have fun laughing at people. I just think that I need some fun in a better environment and some company. I made an asian man out of paperclips and rubber bands today. Fun, no? He sat on the calculator while I worked...

No sleep makes me all melancholy. I think that's normal. People are cranky bastards cause they never sleep enough. I was gonna write some old depressive thoughts that I had, but I thought about them and I think i've dealt with them. It really is time to move ahead and forget about sad shit. It's bedtime. YEAH!